31 Jan – 2 Feb

Aus Open Yarra River – Fed’s chef works at the Barilla ‘Master of Pasta’ birdcage at the AO and sends Fed his pre-match meal every day. He also has it on the menu so YOU TOO can eat like a champion.
War Horse Regent – don’t send people or ponies to war. 11/10 would recommend.
Afro-Carribean Fundraiser Nth Melb – raysin moneh for tha bushfires dat went on don by tha beach, mon oh sht hang on was that racist. fck.
Brewers Fest 2020 Abbotsford – “I’ll have a batchy” ahahah *clearly from Collingwood
Jazz in the Park Hawthorn – just when you think Hawthorn couldn’t get more boring, it goes and does
A Feather in the Web Chapel – “a lacerating satire of mainstream culture that revels in all the magnificent, awful parts of ourselves we’ve learned to squash right down” – kewl, sounds cheaper than therapy
Zoo Twilights Melb Zoo – please just bring back that ad where all your animals sing ‘you belong in the zoo’ thx
Midsumma Melb – hid lubber, fid mudder, kid butter omg he would be French for sure
Rocky Horror the drive in – a handful of rocks watch a video they’re not meant to and then a Japanese girl comes out of the telly to kill them all.
Inflatable Regatta Yarra River – I remember years ago when 5,000 ppl responded to this and they had to cancel it but no one cancelled and ppl just showed up and everything was fine and Australia is a nanny state and we are so lame sooooo lame