BRING HOME OUR BOOMERS

This is Kerryn. She grew up in Oakleigh and got a job next to her dad’s tobacco shop in St Kilda, fitting shoes for drag queens and ladies of the night. A professional golf-groupie, Kerryn met golf-pro Brian and they got married, had babies and hung out at Shoppo on the weekends like your good, everyday suburban bogans aka they were Sprinks. When the kids flew the coop, they retired, Brian started getting really bad arthritis and then Kerryn had a literal stroke and nearly died. So after a couple of years having a real sh*t one, they saved their pennies and bought themselves a once in a lifetime cruise around the world.

*This interview took place over What’s App*

SAT: You’re on a cruise ship in the Med during corona. Nice one, boomer.
When we boarded the Costa Victoria weeks and weeks ago, corona was nowhere near as bad as it is now. If we had thought it would be anything like this pandemic, we would have cancelled. There are rumours we are about to head to Italy.

SUN: Italy, are you kidding? Can’t you just get off with a Wilson and Castaway like Tom Hanks?
All ports have rejected our ship, including:

UAE
Jordan
Israel
Croatia

We are passing Crete at the moment and are considering jumping off and swimming to the land, but Costa has our passports. OMG the Captain just told us we are heading to Venice.

MON: R U SERIOUS? You, Brian + 248 other Aussie boomers are going into the eye of the sh*t storm?
We have been non-contact for weeks, and recently been in self-iso hoarding food in our cabins. Everyone asking to be let off and begging to go to another country but apparently we can’t. The Captain just announced we are actually heading to Rome.

TUES: Italy = the last place on earth anyone healthy (or sick) should be going?
I know, stop freaking me out, Sprink. We have no choice apparently – we are passing Messina right now (see current location on cruise mapper) and are hoping the Australian government will help us all get home. Just heard an announcement saying to get our luggage ready for disembarking in Rome at 8am.

MATE – what happens when you land, all the airports are closed? Can you even get a hotel? IM DYING OF STRESS
We have no idea, our internet is shonky and we are so worried, scared and… I don’t know what to say. My daughter Jess has been asking DFAT for assistance and spoken to the Herald Sun and The Project who have been huge helps. But we are a tiny noise in an entire world crying out, and petrified. We have no idea what will happen when we get off tomorrow, or how we can get home.