5 – 7 Oct

Melbourne Festival @ Melb – things on fire, men in sequins, must be time for a trip to the doc I mean ticket box.
Pinot Palooza @ Royal Exhib Building – pinNOt? PinYAS (this joke will never not be hilars)
WWE Showdown @ MCG – ROWDY RHONDA KWEEN OF MY HEART. Also totally unrelated, how much did the govt commit to stopping DV?
Cher: Here We Go Again @ Rod Laver – get the mop, the gay man in all of us just wee’d.
Gluten Free Festival @ MECE – a celebration of yawn I mean corn
Light the Night @ Fed Sq – sounds like a Britney song but is actually an important event.
Buddha Passion @ MSO – Cafe Del Mar’s latest album
Lost Picnic w/ Tash Sultana @ Flemmo – bae, they’re at the corn fest
Brazillian BBQ @ St Kilda – everyone waxes and burns and dances real good.
Art Sucks @ Juddy Roller – omg pls don’t tell Tony Elwood.
Ke$ha @ Margaret Court – I was gonna make a joke about ‘oh hai welcome back 2004’ but she released tic tok in 2010. I think this means she is still in her 20s. I’m going to eat chocolate in bed now.
The Architect @ MTC – oh hello lady from Offspring.
1000 doors @ Melb Int Arts Fest – I can’t make a decision re: socks, this would be my worst nightmare.