This is Sarz. She grew up in Templestowe back when primary schools and high schools existed in the area. Like all good Eastern suburbs kids she hung out at Shoppo and got a job as ‘Salad Bar Captain’ working for $6 an hour at the all-you-can-eat Sizzler.
Best Sizzler stories?
- When the fake crab got smelly, we would just run it under some water to extend it’s life
- Kieran Perkins once came in to shoot a commercial but wouldn’t eat the food
- I worked at three wedding receptions for drunken bogans who complained there wasn’t enough fried potato skins
- People would come in for lunch and refuse to leave until the dinner service, so they only had to pay for one meal RESPECT
- Someone died dishing themselves up the chicken noodle soup once. Shit got messy.
Did you used to gorge?
I was a reg-sized dame when I started but the cheese toast was my gateway drug, and Sizzler my dealer. I ate more and more the older I got, stretching out my stomach so there was more to fill. I got fat and continued to get bigger through my 20s. In my 30s I lost 30kg five times over, but every time I would gain just a bit more back, finally topping out at 130kg and classified morbidly obese at 35yrs old.
But you’re a size 12?
Now I am, but I was a size 20. At 38 I thought “How do I stay alive in this vessel to harass the many men of Melbourne? I’m gonna have to shed this weight for good’. I always loved myself – and I had no body or self confidence issues – I just loved food. Still do. Shout out to food!
So how’d you do it?
I obvs already knew how to lose weight: move more, eat less blah blah. I researched weight-loss surgery and decided to get the gastric sleeve a few months after my 40th. They removed 90% of my stomach which had been stretched out from decades of over eating. As a result I have lost a human aka a total of 50kgs.
How did you prep?
A diet of shakes for two weeks. I did it for four. Just for shits and gigs. My surgeon thinks I’m bonks.
Bloody hell well done! What are the repercussions of 90% less stomach?
- I’ m always cold – skinny bitches didn’t tell me about this
- I can eat whatever I want, just less of it
- Can’t sleep on my side cos my knees now clang together in the night
- My bony ass hurts when I sit as I have no padding
- I have no money as I have to replace my wardrobe every month
- My eyes still get excited by food but I hit full tummy around four bites in
- I cannot eat junk. Processed food is too high in fat and salt. It hurts just to think about it.
- No degustations aka I can’t go to Attica. Devo. Like I actually cry thinking about the various soils and emulsions I can’t eat.
Is it bad for you, eating so little?
Nah I know how to hit nutrition macros with the right amount of protein, carbs etc. I’m still eating healthy, just less.
Did people go Shallow Hal on you?
Yes. I was invisible walking down the street – despite taking up more space than the average person. Now I get eyeballed erryday. Tres lame.
How was it being large and in charge and working in the film industry?
People used to totally forget who I was even if I had worked with them before. I’d worked on six shows over 12 years with a very well known comedian. He was flirting with me a few weeks ago and couldn’t remember me at all. Dick. People are shallow as fuck.
That’s shit house.
Particularly guys. I was ignored by loads of straight dudes when I was fat, but now it seems I am worthy of their time. See, I was always worthy of love, respect and kindness, I was never lesser because I weighed more. Now, I’m not more just because I weigh less. But shallow tools seem to think I am. And I don’t respect people like that. Shout out to fatties – WE ARE THE BEST
Did you have skin left over?
Yeah, I gotta get a tummy tuck. That’s the only downside (other than Attica). I look like a melted candle some days – but a fancy Jo Malone style candle. #skinnylegend
How’s life going?
Same as ever – I wasn’t sitting by waiting for my life to begin once I lost weight. I didn’t think thinness was the gateway to life. I’ve always been a gym buff and trained hard, but I have just started training to compete in powerlifting because it suddenly appeals to me and I reckon I could kill it. See you at the Olympics in 2020, bitches.
