4 – 6 May

Tapestry: The Songs of Carole King @ Arts Centre (4-7 May) – let’s bring the name Carole back. And Regina. And Olga. Bahahahaha. No.
Grampians Grape Escape @ Grampians (6-7 May) – can they do it? Will anyone notice? Ohhh wait that’s an R.
Away @ MTC (3 – 28 May) – I once MC’d a wedding and announced that I had written a poem for the newlyweds. I read the lyrics to Home&Away’s theme song. Only one person laughed, everyone else said it was sweet and I was really talented, I should write poetry. My biggest fail in lyf. I AM SORRY CARRIE AND AMAN.
High Country Harvest Festival @ High Country (5-27 May) – get high this harvest. Hold up, why are we limiting this to one season?
High Country Harvest Bonfire @ Falls Creek (6 May) – once everyone is suitably high they go off to burn the witches. And Guy whatshisname. BYO marshmellows.
Trentham Spud Fest @ Trentham (6 May) – I love any kind of stud. Including festy ones, and especially ones called Trent #mytruelove
Warrnambool May Racing Carnival @ The Bool (3-5 May) – the politest of all the racing carnivals.
Groovin the Moo @ Bendigo (6 May) – can we stop for a second here? What about the chickens, sheep, dogs, cats, turtles and goats? Where are their festivals?
Clunes Book Town Festival @ Clunes (6 – 7 May) – book worms, worms squirm, Mr Squiggle had a pencil for a nose, something something Jon Snow..s. Yeah, I got nothing.
Marram-nganjinu Biik-gurrin – We are Country @ Melbs (8-14 May) – dropping da beats since the dawn of human kind.
The Other Art Fair @ Kenno (4-7 May) – the ~other~ art finally gets a mention. Starring Nicole Kidman.
Metropolis New Music Festival @ Melbourne Recital Centre (4-6 May) – still waiting on my invitation to perform I BELONG ON STAGE.
Dog Lovers Show @ Royal Exhibition Building (5-7 May) – high school enemies and their boyfriends hang out. Woah that was harssssh.
Geelong After Dark @ G-Long (5 May) – gah how annoying is that new Shapes ad. I h8 it. But I like The Voice so sacrifices you know. What was I doing again? Oh yeah WHITE NIGHT BY THE SEA