5 – 7 April

Melbourne International Comedy Festival @ Melbourne (until 23 Apr) – go to Hairy Little Sister while the comedy fest is on. Put on an accent. Pretend you have a show. Live large.
Autumn Festival @ Mount Macedon (8 – 30 Apr) – aka the selfie season.
House of Mirrors @ Bendigo Art Gallery (7 – 30 Apr) – a naked Helen Mirren gazes at herself from multiple angles, while the Chinese guy from out the front of the NGV plays his squeaky instrument, in this 2hr live-streamed performance in the middle of Bendigo Art Gallery.
Rock & Roll Writers Festival Tour Edition @ Abbotsford Convent (9 Apr) – I’m gonna rock and roll all nightttttttt, and write in an old leather-bound book ev-a-ree day
Rock & Roll Live Band Karaoke @ Woodys (launching 5 April) – okokok if you read the name of this event and didn’t need to change your underpants afterwards then you need to re-eval urLYF
Pentridge Festival @ Pentridge Prison (8-9 April) – yas please, mama likes a bad boi.
Pigs do Fly @ Flying Brick Cider (7 April) – yas gurrrrl U GET PORKED. I mean, “get dat pork”, ma bad
Rip Curl Pro @ Bells Beach (12 – 24 Apr) – move over GHDs the newest hair styling instrument is OUT NOW
Benalla Street Art – Wall to Wall @ Benalla (7-9 April) – from the window, to the wall, to the wall, to the wall, to the wall… 25 artists means 25 walls and I ain’t got time to write it all out
Women’s Nude Yoga @ The Yoga Place (8 Apr) – following Helen Mirren’s show, the Bendigo Art Gallery turns into a bikram yoga studio where ladies are invited to join the performance.
Melbourne Burger Invitational @ Welcome to Thornbury (6 Apr) – it better than a sausage fest? IDK.
The Big Chicken Festival @ Food Truck Park (7 Apr) – formerly known as Scaredy Cat Festival
Pixar in Concert by the MSO @ Hamer Hall (7-8 April) – more like M S Ohhh yeahhh there’s some good concerts lately.
A March to Identity @ SPACE (until April 25) – should be renamed ‘An April to Identity’