They embraced lovingly on Bourke Street. Alex the boss lawyer was happy to see me there as you can see from the photo, and Dan aka chicken bae was happy they were wearing matching leather jackets. So, was this going to be a normal date? Well.. Dan sold himself online, Alex bid for him like an eBay item and they had a third party coordinate and then chaperone their first meeting. So no bars, no dinners.. we were going to an Escape Room.
The room they were locked in was themed as a haunted hotel with “The Ring” feels. Full creepy. Without giving away any clues of the room itself, the date went like this…
18 seconds in the dark with a couple of torches and we had NO idea where to look or what to do. Dan found a piece of paper with a code but he and Alex were too nervous or too scared to look stupid infront of the other to suggest what we could do.
SPRINK: Can we buzz and get them to give us a clue?
BOTH: No
40 seconds later… still no idea what we are doing. The room was practically empty. And there was a LOT of silence.
SPRINK: Can we buzz and get a clue now?
BOTH: No.
Two minutes later. Both of them were still not speaking and I have ADHD. This was hell.
SPRINK: Now? I’m buzzing. I’m going to buzz.
BOTH: Sprink NO shut up. NO DON’T – STOP IT..
*Buzzzzzzz*
The helper-person came in and pointed out the OBVIOUS thing we had to do and left me in the room with two people, on a date, who were miffed that their third-wheel was impatient (guys, chill) and making them look bad.. so they found themselves bonding over how annoying I was. LET THE LOVE BLOOM.
They suddenly got into it, were scouring bookcases, looking under paintings, attempting to translate hieroglyphics and despite it taking literally 90 minutes and 23 buzzes for hints, they did made it out of there as a TEAM with a third wheel.
To celebrate our Escape mastery we went to get a drink at my fave dodge bar Lane’s Edge where we toasted ourselves and sank some King Browns aka long necks.
And then out came the awkward questions..
When was the last time you had sex?
Both had the same answer but I know one was lying.
Do you believe in aliens?
A- NO but I’m scared of you Sprink because I know you do, so I will say ‘maybe’
D- yes but I call them something different.
Where would you time travel to?
A- New York in the 20s for the gangstas and jazz – they wore cool sh*t, nice hats and had lots of fun.
D- 1950s to see Johnny Cash.. rock n roll was kicking into gear. And it would be nice to have a wife who cooks scones.
Favourite sport?
A- netball and I played it state. Along with basketball.
D- cricket and footy. Played both state too.
What do you find the most attractive about yourself?
A- I think I grew some pretty good boobs?
D- my teeth. ”No Dan that’s lame”.. Ok fine .. My beard (also lame).
Who is your Celebrity Hall pass?
A – James Franco. I know it’s gross but it’s from Freaks and Geeks days and you don’t want a hall pass for someone who is actually your type. Plus he would be good in bed.
D- James Franco
Describe the him / her / the night / would you date again?
A – Dan is super pretty with the eyes of an angel. And he is really kewl and not as bogan as I thought. I would date him again.
D – She is fun interesting and this was not as awkward as I expected, as I didn’t think she’d be kewl. She’s also really pretty and easy to talk to and makes me feel relaxed. Yes I would date her again
Then Alex said ‘Oh can I show you the ugliest baby you’ve ever seen’? and pulled out her iPhone to show us legitimately a really ugly baby with a tiny face on a mammoth fat baby head. Dan said ‘Oh it’s horrendous, you’d chuck it back in..’ and I left them to it.
18 seconds in the dark with a couple of torches and we had NO idea where to look or what to do. Dan found a piece of paper with a code but he and Alex were too nervous or too scared to look stupid infront of the other to suggest what we could do.
SPRINK: Can we buzz and get them to give us a clue?
BOTH: No
40 seconds later… still no idea what we are doing. The room was practically empty. And there was a LOT of silence.
SPRINK: Can we buzz and get a clue now?
BOTH: No.
Two minutes later. Both of them were still not speaking and I have ADHD. This was hell.
SPRINK: Now? I’m buzzing. I’m going to buzz.
BOTH: Sprink NO shut up. NO DON’T – STOP IT..
*Buzzzzzzz*
The helper-person came in and pointed out the OBVIOUS thing we had to do and left me in the room with two people, on a date, who were miffed that their third-wheel was impatient (guys, chill) and making them look bad.. so they found themselves bonding over how annoying I was. LET THE LOVE BLOOM.
They suddenly got into it, were scouring bookcases, looking under paintings, attempting to translate hieroglyphics and despite it taking literally 90 minutes and 23 buzzes for hints, they did made it out of there as a TEAM with a third wheel.
To celebrate our Escape mastery we went to get a drink at my fave dodge bar Lane’s Edge where we toasted ourselves and sank some King Browns aka long necks.
And then out came the awkward questions..
When was the last time you had sex?
Both had the same answer but I know one was lying.
Do you believe in aliens?
A- NO but I’m scared of you Sprink because I know you do, so I will say ‘maybe’
D- yes but I call them something different.
Where would you time travel to?
A- New York in the 20s for the gangstas and jazz – they wore cool sh*t, nice hats and had lots of fun.
D- 1950s to see Johnny Cash.. rock n roll was kicking into gear. And it would be nice to have a wife who cooks scones.
Favourite sport?
A- netball and I played it state. Along with basketball.
D- cricket and footy. Played both state too.
What do you find the most attractive about yourself?
A- I think I grew some pretty good boobs?
D- my teeth. ”No Dan that’s lame”.. Ok fine .. My beard (also lame).
Who is your Celebrity Hall pass?
A – James Franco. I know it’s gross but it’s from Freaks and Geeks days and you don’t want a hall pass for someone who is actually your type. Plus he would be good in bed.
D- James Franco
Describe the him / her / the night / would you date again?
A – Dan is super pretty with the eyes of an angel. And he is really kewl and not as bogan as I thought. I would date him again.
D – She is fun interesting and this was not as awkward as I expected, as I didn’t think she’d be kewl. She’s also really pretty and easy to talk to and makes me feel relaxed. Yes I would date her again
Then Alex said ‘Oh can I show you the ugliest baby you’ve ever seen’? and pulled out her iPhone to show us legitimately a really ugly baby with a tiny face on a mammoth fat baby head. Dan said ‘Oh it’s horrendous, you’d chuck it back in..’ and I left them to it.
This weekend in Melbourne
Bruce Springsteen @ Hanging Rock (11 Feb)- with the E-Street band. I want to say something about having a love like Drazic and Anita but I know that is the wrong reference however .. Valentine’s Day.. plus I got dem eyebrow-ring feels 2day.
Asia Topa @ Arts Centre (13 Feb – 6 March) – it’s a pizza topping with dumplings, chilli, xo sauce and selfies all over it.
Pause Festival @ Melb (8 – 10 Feb) – alright stop. Collaborate and listen.
St Kilda Festival @ the foreshore (12 Feb) – sweat, 90’s skirts, sunnies, chewy, noise, pashing (is that what they do now?) and I’m busy that day but I’m 37 so yeah otherwise
Picnic at Hanging Rock Classic Car Show @ Hanging Rock (12 Feb) – people doing Chap Laps, hanging out their windows yelling out for Miranda to get them a souva from Lamb
Do You Think That You Can Help Her Brother? @ ACCA (11 Feb – 23 April) – depends.. is he 6ft2, with a tan, an accent, legs like a gazelle and shoulders you could run across? Cos if so, yes I definitely can.
The Red Detachment of Women @ Arts Centre Melbourne (15 – 18 Feb) – Kate Bush dances in a field and the Chinese imitate her. Badly.
Amazing Ride @ Hawthorn Velodrome (12 Feb) – also known as Room680 on a Saturday night
John @ MTC (10 Feb – 25 Marc) – a production about a dunny, mate.
Ballarat Beat Rockabilly Festival @ the Rat (9-12 Feb) – a rat puts a billy tea on a rocking chair.
M*Sync @ MPavilion’s (11 Feb) – it’s tearin up my heart when I’m with you, and when we are apart I feel it toooo.. but no JT #why
Food & Drinks @ Arts Centre (14 Feb- 5 Mar) – dude who stinks. Mood and winks?
Transitions Film Festival @ Melb (16 Feb – 3 Mar) – a festival dedicated to Caitlyn Jenner
Brutal by Penny Byrne @ Linden New Art 10 Feb – 8 Mar) – Penny dishes out all the things your mother told you that night she was drunk but doesn’t apologise the next day.
MSO Plays Romeo & Juliet @ Myer Music Bowl (11 Feb) – IT IS A FREE CONCERT MSO IT IS FREE like when Aladdin does some soul searching and wishes the Robin Williams Geenie his freedom instead of another wish.
Whittlesea Country Music Festival @ Whittlesea (11 Feb) – whittlers of the world line up in the country and race to carve the smallest flute
Port Fairy Jazz Festival @ Port Fairy (10-12 Feb) – portly men in fairy wings shake their spirit fingers at children in the night.Can you guess where this is?
Asia Topa @ Arts Centre (13 Feb – 6 March) – it’s a pizza topping with dumplings, chilli, xo sauce and selfies all over it.
Pause Festival @ Melb (8 – 10 Feb) – alright stop. Collaborate and listen.
St Kilda Festival @ the foreshore (12 Feb) – sweat, 90’s skirts, sunnies, chewy, noise, pashing (is that what they do now?) and I’m busy that day but I’m 37 so yeah otherwise
Picnic at Hanging Rock Classic Car Show @ Hanging Rock (12 Feb) – people doing Chap Laps, hanging out their windows yelling out for Miranda to get them a souva from Lamb
Do You Think That You Can Help Her Brother? @ ACCA (11 Feb – 23 April) – depends.. is he 6ft2, with a tan, an accent, legs like a gazelle and shoulders you could run across? Cos if so, yes I definitely can.
The Red Detachment of Women @ Arts Centre Melbourne (15 – 18 Feb) – Kate Bush dances in a field and the Chinese imitate her. Badly.
Amazing Ride @ Hawthorn Velodrome (12 Feb) – also known as Room680 on a Saturday night
John @ MTC (10 Feb – 25 Marc) – a production about a dunny, mate.
Ballarat Beat Rockabilly Festival @ the Rat (9-12 Feb) – a rat puts a billy tea on a rocking chair.
M*Sync @ MPavilion’s (11 Feb) – it’s tearin up my heart when I’m with you, and when we are apart I feel it toooo.. but no JT #why
Food & Drinks @ Arts Centre (14 Feb- 5 Mar) – dude who stinks. Mood and winks?
Transitions Film Festival @ Melb (16 Feb – 3 Mar) – a festival dedicated to Caitlyn Jenner
Brutal by Penny Byrne @ Linden New Art 10 Feb – 8 Mar) – Penny dishes out all the things your mother told you that night she was drunk but doesn’t apologise the next day.
MSO Plays Romeo & Juliet @ Myer Music Bowl (11 Feb) – IT IS A FREE CONCERT MSO IT IS FREE like when Aladdin does some soul searching and wishes the Robin Williams Geenie his freedom instead of another wish.
Whittlesea Country Music Festival @ Whittlesea (11 Feb) – whittlers of the world line up in the country and race to carve the smallest flute
Port Fairy Jazz Festival @ Port Fairy (10-12 Feb) – portly men in fairy wings shake their spirit fingers at children in the night.Can you guess where this is?