16 – 18 Mar

White Night Ballarat @ The Rat (17 Mar) – I guess it makes sense, cos heaps of bikies go thru here.
Queer Film Festival @ Melbs (15 – 26 Mar) – Cher’s followers know how to tell a tale
Melbourne Food and Wine Festival @ Melbs (16 – 25 Mar) – if I wasn’t drunk and full enough already ffs
Wine & Cheese Fest @ Nth Melb (17 Mar) – if I wasn’t full and cheesey enough already ffs
Thai Culture & Food Fest @ Fed Sq (17 – 18 Mar) – getting into knots and like, eating and stuff
Melbourne Art Book Fair @ NGV (16 – 18 Mar) – Smelbourne Fart Nook Pair omg grow up
Hitch To The Sticks @ Nth East (16 – 18 Mar) – 3 days. 10 events. 30 acts. 710km. And Aussie rock legend Dallas Frasca who can hitch my stick any day
Tibetan NY Fest @ Yuroke (17 – 18 Mar) – this year’s theme is ‘abundant joy from the land of snow’ and if you’ve seen S07E06 of GOT you’ll know exactly how abundant Snow is.
A Musical Tribute to Eva Cassidy @ St Kilda (16 Mar) – still not over it. Blubfest. Bring lots of tish.
Touchtype @ Fed Sq (17 Mar) – rub-off all over Melb (no lit, not being gross, that is what you do)
Geelong Highland Gathering @ G-Troit (18 Mar) – you take the high road and I’ll take the low road, and I’ll meet you there with my grandma who turns on a Scottish accent every time she drinks whiskey which is often
Fellas in frocks with Karen from Finance @ The 86 (16 Mar) – with less Scottish accents than the above
Wowzee @ Nth Mel (16 Mar) – a free event for people who want to jazz up their onesies (again, not making this up)
Intercourse with the artist @ Nth Melb (meow – 18 Mar) – calling it art is simpler than Tinder, I guess.