26 – 28 Jan INVASION DAY WKND

Aus Open @ Rod Laver (meow – Sun) – Kweena Baerina performs Saturday night. Literally the only set worth watching at the tennis.
Invasion Day March @ Parliament (26 Jan) – starring Will Smith because it sounds like a movie he would star in and he was here for the tennis
Australia Day Parade @ CBD (26 Jan) – starring Danny McBride because he was cast as the new Croc Dundee omg why are you making me explain this
Zoo Twilights @ The Zoo (26 Jan – 10 Mar) – no relation to this event but I’ve recently discovered that hand creams freak me out.
Midsumma Festival @ Melb (meow – 4 Feb) – A: the best looking people in the city. Q: who festivates in the midst of summer?
Antigone X @ TheatreWorks (30 Jan – 4 Feb) – a new fly spray or a kewl play. Either way, someone will pay.. for a ticket. It’s a performance, guys. Mortein has the pest control covered clearly it is a show, its at a theatre.
Glitterfist @ Fitzroy (30Jan – 3 Feb) – chuckin fist-fulls of disco love right at your face like it’s the 1998 Redheads foam party and you’re about to make out with a guy named Scott who got in with his brother’s ID.
Priscilla: The Musical @ Regent (23 Jan – 18 Mar) – for the dessert kweens. They sweetest.
Foodtruck Fiesta @ Williamstown (25 – 28 Jan) – lol their website has insane music.
Blender Artist Market @ Docklands (26 Jan) – the poor unite to sell the shirts off their backs because the creative industry is tough, guys.
Festival of Sails @ Geelong (26 – 28 Jan) – Enya is back thank the lord Oprah
Underground Roller Disco @ Collinghood (27 Jan) – amazing moves on movable shoes.
Fashion Fomo @ NGV (28 Jan) – this. And also the NGV are chucking night parties now. I freakin heart Tony Elwood.
Beechworth Music Festival @ Beechy (26 -27 Jan) – no one can tell the bees how much they’re worth, NO ONE.
Cadel Evans Great Ocean Road Race @ GOR (28 Jan) – I dated a cyclist once. There I said it. I’m out. Finally.. oh the relief.
Drag-A-Thon @ The 86 (27 Jan) – just your typical Sat night watching fellas in frocks, rock off our socks.
Origami Workshop for kids @Fitzroy (27 Jan) – I feel like this is a course Nicholas Cage would run.
Wicked The Musical @ St Kilda (19-27 Jan) – life before Rob Mills (was not worth living).