19 – 21 Jan

Intermission @ Collingwood (meow – Sun) – I legit remember when they had intermissions in movies and I’m off to the retirement home now CYA
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night time @ Arts Centre (meow – 25 Feb) – Alice gets lost, rides a dog, makes out with Jonny Depp at a bar IDK Y
Aus Open @ Rod Laver (meow – Sun) – Kweena Baerina plays a set against TLC. We all know who will win.
Midsumma Night’s Dream @ Royal Botanic Gardens (meow – 5 March) – if your nan didn’t take you to this as a kid she didn’t love you. Nor did your parents.
RnB and hip hop yoga @ Brunswick (21 Jan) – I’m leaving Melbourne. This has gone too far.
Summer Sounds of Williamstown @ Williamstown (20 Jan) – I would have loved to make some ‘showusyerteets’ jokes but Willytown is now posh AF so imma get my nails did and like, not make that jk.
Ritz Fitz @ Fitzroy (20 Jan) – learn stuff. Look kewl. Wear sequins because you’re worth it.
Icecream Festival @ Preston (19 – 21 Jan) – how does Reese eat her ice cream? WitherCHIN. lol you thought I was going to say Witherspoon.
Adults Only Star Wars Night @ Chaddie (18 Jan) – you know what they say, the bigger the wookie the better ew  why did I say that, gross
Triennial @ NGV (meow – 15 April) – just like an acid trip, only free and legal.
Midsumma Festival @ Melb (meow – 4 Feb) – the city’s best looking people on display
Glitterfist @ Fitzroy (meow – 3 Feb) – fierce femmes, gender rebels, trans-formers and queerdos.. starring my FB friend list
Bob Sedergreen & Geoff Allen @ Lido Glenferrie (20 Jan) – jazzy jazzy meow meow
Trophy Wife Barbie Exhibition @ Lord Coconut (meow – 3 Feb) – *awaiting interview call-back*