13 – 15 Oct

Hepburn Springs Swiss Italian Fiesta @ Heppy (18 – 22 Oct) – beautiful angry women, beautiful angry men, all shouting at each other waving their hands and eating spaghetti NOT A RACIST
Process : The Channel @ Arts Centre (14 Sept) – I can’t even begin to process what kind of a joke I can make here badumtschhhh
Melbourne Marathon @ MCG (15 Oct) – run the tan. Be a man. Hold her hand. Drink a can. Something something feminist men are the best. Didn’t quite get there but you know what I mean.
Americana Music Fest @ Seaworks, Williamstown (14 Oct) – you can fest my Americana anytime. WTF gross.
Vegan & Vegetarian Weekend @ Food Truck Park (13 Oct) – I love Celine Dion. There. I admit it. Gah the relief.
Planetariam Nights @ Scienceworks (13 Oct – 8 June 2018) – like planetariam days, more often than not, a hotter than hot, in a lot of good waaaaaays #ripRobinWiliams
Spring Fling @ Errol St Nth Melb (15 Oct) – pregnancy guaranteed
Piccolina @ Hawthorn- opens dis weekend. The line begins.. now.
Italian Day @ Preston Markets (14 Oct) – like Italian nights, more often than not, they’re hotter than hot, in a lot of good ways.. until they get all jealous on you and stalking your friends on FB to find out where you are.
Fareshare Kitchen Garden Open Day @ Lulie St (14 Oct) – only take what you need for a feed and kids, don’t smoke weed.
Mullum Mullum Creek Indigenous Walking Tour @ Ringwood (14 Oct) – walky walky talky talky
Animal Activist Forum @ Melb Town Hall (14 Oct) – you can activate me any day, you animal.
Croydon Psychic Festival @ Croydon (15 Oct) – they already know you will be coming
Mainstreet Mornington Festival @ Mornington (15 Oct) – a sea of short, back and sides, numerous rabbit fur vests, many many pairs of big sunnies, the odd boat shoe and not a sock in sight.
Sausage Fest @ Craft&Co (14 – 21 Oct) – OR also known as The Dirty Swan on a Friday or Saturday night
Edible Weed Walk @ Elwood (15 Oct) – kids, see above. Don’t smoke the weed, eat it.
St Kilda Beach Clean @ St Kilda (14 Oct) – won’t somebody please think of the penguins?