This Weekend in melbourne
LOL
Melbourne International Comedy Festival (23 Mar – 17 April) – I have only seen Damian Callinan swing dancing, Joel Creasey’s broken heart and Bridget Everett’s boobs. But I have a 9-5 and there is not enough time to see every single show. WHY LYF WHY? There is only one thing left to do. *QUITS*
OMG
Cirque Adrenaline @ Arts Centre (1-10 Apr) – my eyebrows were in my hairline throughout this entire show. It was absolutely terrifying. These people are suicidal. Botox and psychologists required immediately.
Songcontest: The Musical @ St Kilda (1 Apr – 1 May) – Eurovision came early. In St Kilda. Fingers crossed for Conchita.
Festivals
Yarra Valley Beer and Cider Festival @ Lilydale Show Grounds (9th Apr) – beer and cider in the Yarra Valley? How very dare you THIS IS WINE COUNTRY. Someone call Mr Halliday.
Lake Bolac Eel Festival @ Lake Bolac (8-10 Apr) – YES music, arts, environment and indigenous culture. NO smoked unagi or wallets.
Art
Kilmore Art Expo (8-10 Apr) – kill more art. Kill MORE ART NOW.
Meet the Hermannsburg Potters @ NGV (6-10 April) – no relation to Harry, but Daniel Radcliffe is definitely invited to meet these Potters.
Kids
Ice Age Live! A Mammoth Adventure @ Hisense Arena (April 8 – 10) – ice skating cartoon characters wishing people would stop asking them to sing Let It Go. Totally different movie, guys.
Kids Shows and Family Comedy @ Melbourne International Comedy Festival (23 Mar – 17 April) – big laughs for the small ones.
eat & drink by the sprink
MarionWine @ 53 Gertrude St, Fitzroy – literally the best date venue in Melbourne. Get a spot near the window, let the handsome waiters take care of the ordering and drank down the ridiculous wine selection while thinking to your bad self ‘YAS I HAVE MADE IT’ because, you have. The best thing about the menu aside from evrrything on it, is that it’s totes reasonably priced – so absolutely worth the risk of taking a Tinder date. Note: I saw Josh Thomas here so if the gay celebs are dining here you know you’re at the right place.
Next weekend in melbourne
The Color Run Melbourne @ Flemington Racecourse (16 April) – an opportunity to update your Tinder and Facebook profile pics.
Gauchito Gil’s Malbec World Day (17 Apr) – Gauchito Gil looked contentedly upon the festivities taking place around him. Breathing in the warm, smoke filled air he took a sip of his drink, silently toasting himself for another heist well done. A sharp intake of breathe. He pulled a face of disgust, looking into his glass as though it were filled with writhing maggots holding guns, knives and dead baby sparrows, before throwing it onto the fire. The music stopped and the crowd slowly turned their faces fearfully towards their leader. ‘Dis is not MALBEC you son of a motherless goat’. A familiar feeling fell upon them all. The bartender turned white. Another senseless death at the hands of El Gauchito. Ends.
Preston Block Party @ High St Preston (16 April) – Preston is blocking all parties that are taking place. Courtney Barnett will not be happy.
Fitzroy Market @ Fitzroy (16 Apr) – pay next to nothing for threads that were way more expensive than they ever should have been.
Art & the Connected Future @ NGV (16 April) – what does the future of art look like? A: Google Images. For sure.
National Trust Heritage Festival (16 April – 29 May) – put your archaeological hat on and soak up the history of heritage sites around the Victorian countryside celebrating everything from pop-up museums, cruises and tours to old cars, festivals and omg DAMPER AND TEA IN THE BUSH. It’d be best to be unemployed for this month.
19th Century Bling Goldfields Jewellery @ M.A.D.E (16 April – 4 July) – old skewl blah-bling that costs a lotta cha-ching. But it’s not about the money, money, money.
The BBC Prom @ Arts Centre (13-16 Apr) – the world’s largest classical music festival comes to Victoria. But of course. We are like well cultured, innit.
