Crossing Lines @ NGV – an exhibition that isn’t about Robin Thicke’s rapey song. Which unforch was a bit of a jam, wasn’t it? Also shout out to Pharrell who managed to avoid copping the same amount of sh*t as Thicke did, all a bit blurry as to why.
Rhys Nichols Filming @ Athenaeum – Conan O’Brian’s son does a spot for the telly.
Coburg Night Market @ Coburg – full of all your favourite vintage fash, unwashed hair and large mortgages with deposits from mum and dad but our kids are totally going to public school, guys I swear we are fine with it.
Bottomless Gradi @ Gradi – top pony-tail yourself with a scrunchie in prep for 2hrs of all you can eat pizza, yeah the early 90s is definitely back in Brunners. Oh and listen to Informer.
Whirling Dervishes @ Fed Sq – the world’s most fkced up dance comes to Melb – how they manage to spin for 15min without throwing up is beyond moi. Five stars.
Christmas Festival Launch Party @ Fed Sq – um excuse me but the only thing on earth that should be launching Christmas is Mariah fcking Carey. She better be thawed out and ready, Fed Square, do you hear me?
Donkey Shelter: Open Day @ Tongala – yes an actual donkey shelter. BYO preggo lady, a Joseph who doesn’t do penno, and come pat the BC mode of transport on this great day out.
Opera in The Bowl @ Sidney Myer – free because, otherwise lets be honest, no one under 65 would go. Unless they’re doing a Daft Punk album which would be kewl, can someone organise pls, ta.
St Kilda Twilight Market @ St Kilda – hangovers, bad tattoos and overpriced soap in the shape of succulents.
Gingerbread Village @ Collins St – hold up, the old lady in the gingerbread house was a cannibal. HOW ABOUT WE DON’T?
Festival of Independents Christmas @ Flinders Quarters – 15 days of free instillations, pop ups and prob some succulent soaps.
Dachshunds and Daiquiris @ The Ascot Lot – this biggest sausage dog meet up of the year (not a joke). Stick around for the gay speed dating (also not a joke).
Life Drawing with the MSO @ MPavilion – show us ya clarinet
Velvet, Iron, Ashes @ State Library – something about cricket FOR SURE. And bushfires, right ScoMo you absolute tool?
Kiss of the Spider Woman @ MTC – not starring Toby Maguire but is featuring the hot guy that played Aladdin in Aus and THEN ON BROADWAY.
Blender Studios Xmas Party @ West Melb – Blender street-art studio chucks a Xmas whackadoo for you – whack. a. doo.
Afrocan Days @ North Melb – food trucks, street art, old warehouse, in a laneway, playin AfroJAMZ
New Wave @ Section 8 – AfroCHUNES, Section 8 representin yet again DONT QUIT BAE
Blue Black Beats @ Immigration Museum – mad AfroBAMs at the kewlest place in Melb aside from Fed Square, that time they got Mariah to launch Christmas.
2 weeks to go until Sounds of Africa Festival SEE YOUSE THERE