OK bishes I’m calling it – this years Oaks Day was the best VRC event in the last 18yrs. Fckn fackt.
I’ll begin by saying I HAVE BEEN TO MORE VRC EVENTS THAN YOU HAVE in my short 390 years on this planet. Since I started going at 18 back when you would charge someone $1 to use your phone and the Birdcage was heaps easy to sneak into, up until this week when you spend $1 to charge your phone and I saw someone tie a garbage bag around their waist to hide their midriff so they could get into the Birdcage.
No not much has changed since 1950, it’s still same ole Spring Racing Carni folk but stand out, it was.
ZERO PREP
I jumped outta the shower at 955am and blow dried the mane, chucked in some bobby pins, put on the Zara dress I bought a year ago that smells of dust, heels, headwear, make up = DID… AND I LOOKED LIKE A BEAUTIFUL WOODLAND FAIRY don’t tell me you need more than 15min to get ready for anything.
FASHIONS OF THE FIELD
To start off, I went to see Fashions of The Field and I have to say that the people OFF the runway looked way more interesting and farshun than the people who made the Top 10. This this year’s judges need to stop taking boring pills because the winners were SNORE.
Here are some baes who were like ‘Fuck looking like a basket of wheat, IMMA JUST DO MY THING’ –
THE FORMULA
OK so NORMALLY I would say that the best formula for any Spring Race Day are these places at these times:
11:00 – Fashions on the Field
12:30 – Members
1:45 – Car park
3:00 – Birdcage
4:30 – General Admin
HOWEVER I didn’t know anyone in the members OR the carpark this year, so waa waa poor Sprink, I went straight to…
THE mthrfckn BIRDCAGE biiiish
Bumble cage I refused to even look in because who the hell do they think they are also no STDs for me today, thank you.
3AW wouldn’t let me talk my way in DAFAQ is with the security when Kate Stevenson isn’t even in there?
CrocMedia (WHO?) was in place of the usual Lavazza shit-show thank you Croc whoever you are, LAVAZZA PLEASE NEVER COME BACK.
Furphy had three security but they were easy to dodge however it was extremely boring w/ zero celebs unless you count Matthew Richardson.
Herald Sun had nice decor and kewl door girls, I had a chat with some champs and continued onto…
Lexus where I ended up having THE BEST RACE DAY EVER
They were in prime pozzie which essentially means nothing other than I didn’t have to walk AS far to the train station at COB. Their cage was three levels: bottom was for toilets and to pose by the car, top floor was a restaurant you could book into by the hour (free food with the best views of the racetrack) and middle level had a balcony, the bar and the DFloor. And thus I didn’t leave this area.
CELEBS
Jo Hall (always looks hawt)
Shane Crawford (wearing many colours and a weird hat, I was into it)
Megan Gale (lil basic this year) and her tall BF (think he plays sport but who cares, he was v.polite so am a fan)
Rick Ponting (urgh FFS the attitude not interested mate please relax your flaps, you’re just hanging at the races like the rest of us)
Andrew McConnell whose wife gets Best Dressed in her full length blue floral dress w/ mad sleeves (KWEEN rocked hard)
Telv and Patrick from Married At First Sight being fun and kewl.
The DJ started dropping mad beats, a singer came out, a drummer and a sax player… then Irene, a 77yr old BAE FROM BAETOWN, got on the drums because she was having a mtherfckn ball, everyone lost their sanity and THAT IS WHEN THE PARTY STARTED.
I spotted this legend wearing a STAR WARS VINYL FASCINATOR THAT SPUN and I realised Belinda Carlisle was right, heaven is a place on earth = spinning on this chick’s head.
This dude was loving the tunes and wouldn’t stop grabbing random chicks to dance with (this is the 16th girl I saw him dance with in about 90min – MAN HAD GAME)
The saxophone player from Tokyo who turned the dancefloor into a moshpit
Someone flashed and suddenly it was 630 and we all got kicked out.
Walking out, I saw this guy spewing –
… and this chick REFUSING TO WALK ANY FURTHER and damn right look at the height of those heels
Found the Horseywood Walk of Fame in Ascot Vale
Ended up eating chips and drinking prosecco in a bottle-o
Got picked up in an Uber randomly by Maddawg DAVE who came 2nd in the MEN’S FINAL OF FASHION OF THE FIELD (so random I can’t even) and smashed a burger in my PJs before going to bed because THIS IS THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN END THE BEST VRC DAY EVS BYE
