Dear Diary,
How are you? It’s been ages. I’ve been busy, finished skewl, uni, went to London and when I came back in 2006, I saw the guy who worked behind the Monash uni bar, on TV. Name is Rob Mills.
Ok fast forward to last Saturday when my good pal and devoted Sprinkee DonnaD invited me as her +1 to the Alannah & Madeline Foundation Charity Ball. I said OMGYASPLSKWEEN, bought a $10 dress from a garage stall, got the zip fixed at lunch, went to an arvo BBQ party where they were hanging goon bags on the hills hoist as I left, and rolled up to Crown at 6pm wearing a bow tie for a necklace, because I know how to do red carpet.
Rob Mills was hosting with #somelady but I wasn’t paying attention because he said over the microphone he was single. So, checklist in my head: sings, dances, straight, single.
The audience started to make donations but I am an introvert – lol jks I am a wuss – so I got on Instagram and posted: ‘Um.. @robmillsymills you’re single? Me too. I’m also wearing a bow tie so we have everything in common. I’ll donate $505.54 for a date. Must include karaoke’. I got a few likes. Nothing happened. The ball ended. DonnaD patted me on the shoulder ‘At least you tried’.
Five days later, I was back at Crown for the Tourism Awards where Rob Mills was hosting again. It was fate. I found him at the end of the night talking to someone who wasn’t me so I walked up and elbowed my way into his face.
‘Hey Rob Mills nice work tonight glad you got to sing you’re so great so I was at the ball last Saturday and you missed out on making cash cos I Instagrammed I’d donate $500 if you went on a date with me – so DO YOU want to go on a date with me?’
His smile softened. He straightened his non-prescription glasses and swallowed. ‘Oh that was you? Yes I saw that. Ha yeah that was funny’
He then turned 180 degrees and pretended to talk to the wall.
I vowed on my life that I would never tell anyone of this crushing rejection.
So Diary I’m now going to burn you. CYA
