Maddawgs of Melbourne
This weeks #Maddawg, Jo (35, likes fresh bread, eating out, drinking anywhere and chilling in Anglesea with her husband and kids) wanted structure so the interview it wasn’t too hard #preach
Proof you were always kewl? I once tried to convince a child to throw a game of tennis so I could go home with the big trophy.
Why should Sprinks want to be your friend? I’m fucking loyal and reliable.
What is the laziest you’ve ever been? After a massive race day spent in the carparks at Flemmo, I couldn’t be bothered getting a taxi home from the city so I paid $440 for a room at the Grand Hyatt and stayed up eating mini bar food, prank calling people and piggy-back-hose-racing down the corridor with my bez-dawg B.Rush.
You get MVP for.. Always being the last person to leave a party. And having no regard for my bank account after midnight.
Done anything boss? When I lived in ye olde London, I once put on a hi-vis vest and re-directed traffic outside my house in Clapham for no particular reason. All the cars obeyed me.
Best holiday? GETTING ENGAGED AT THE #BYRONBAYLIGHTHOUSE to my best friend John (and coming back to a house full of mates holding 50 bottles of champagne).
Worst decision? Hmm.. wearing a lime green shirt to my year 10 dance class finale is up there.
Best decision ever? Growing spawn – they are the biggest legends ever.
Any life changing events? In 2003 my older brother Ant collapsed while playing footy and never woke up. He was just 24. My whole fam was devastated and I thought that I would never get over it. While the annoying saying ‘time heals all wounds’ is true, I still think of my legend brother Ant every day. I wish he was here to play with my awesome kids and hang out with me and John at our fancy new house.
Recent win? Locking my two friends in the bathroom so I could spray them in the face with my boob milk while shouting ‘eat it bishes’ (Side note: it tasted like sugary water).
This weekend in Melbourne
Off The Grid @ ACCA (21 Dec) – I once went to an Off The Wall themed skate thrown by Vans (I think?) in 1999, featuring the stunts by Tony Hawke and those motorbike guys with the flames out the back. I drank a 6pack (lol ok I drank two) under a table with a guy who is now head of engineering somewhere fancy, then after Killing Heidi’s set finished, I commando’d under the stage to pop-up at the DJ booth where I proceeded to mime DJ-ing infront of 1000 people. I got kicked off stage after a quarter of an hour but to this day I have never been able to travel through Abbortsford (or see/hear Ella Hooper) without being reminded of my 15min of fame and thanking the lord above for my stint at General Pants.
119th Austral Wheelrace and 2017 Australian Madison Championships @ Hisense Arena (17 Dec) – the lycra clad legends do a Fred Durst and keep rollin rollin rollin rollin
SOVEREIGNTY @ ACCA (17 Dec – 26 Mar) – a group of poorly dressed Germans stand around shouting Eureka and clicking their heels as the crowd applaud in mime.
Who’s Afraid of Colour? @ Ian Potter Centre (16 Dec – April) – probably Eddie McGuire?
Seafood Festival @ Foodtruck Park Preston (16 – 18 Dec) – Ariel, Flounder, Ursula, Dori, Nemo, Jason’s Argonauts and all your oceanic faves star in ‘Grilled on a Stick’.
St Kilda Foreshore Slam Beach Festival @ St Kilda (17 Dec) – also known as ‘hell’ for anyone over 35.
Nepal Festival @ Fed Square (17 Dec) – 10yrs ago ex #8 and I were backpacking through the jungles of Nepal. We ended up staying in a mud hut in Bardia with Ben from Hey Dad! who came trekking with us for a week. We went out one day in search of leopards and ended up having to scramble up a tree to get out of the way of two drunk charging rhinos. Truth.
Briefs @ Arts Centre (13-18 Dec) – a musical about Tinder dating.
Christmas Polo @ Werribee (16 Dec) – reference to Santa doing laps on his deer throwing handfuls of freshly powered snow at anyone in a polo shirt.
Eat / Drink by The Sprink
Yet again our Social Media Coord brings home the review this week as The Sprink sits at home nursing a popped eyeball and slight slur from a week of back-to-back Christmas parties (all of which I had planned to bail on):
A25 Pizza in South Yaz and the Citay – $14 pizza on Monday nights, and wine served by the jug. Ladies, and manly ladies, let me tell you about a-few-of-my-favourite-things (lol no more Julie Andrews, I promise). I love potato, because its a carb. I love ricotta, because its a cheese. I love rosemary because it continues to grow (a lot like my bang list AYYOOOO). I also love raspberry, because I’m only human. Imagine all of those things together, TOGETHER, on a pizza. I’ll give you a mo to re-compose yourself after screaming “YAAAAAS” so loudly the neighbours clearly think you’re having some #alonetime. It was delish. The Italian lass (lol “lass” – am I 90?) who brought the goods was such a gem, so so sweet, and really made sure errythang was up to scratch. Did I mention that they serve wine by the jug? It’s way more hipster than getting in a bottle like someone hella basic. I left low key pissed, full of carbs, and 10/10 happy with my life choices up until now. Well almost, the 4/10 guy from last week is an experience I’d rather forget.