This is Dan. He is 34 and literally travelled into the future to get to Melbourne (he’s from Perth). He comes from an English family of 8 and when he was a wee lad he couldn’t say the word “eggs”, instead he called them “duguise”. He would also yell the word “Bomber” whenever he was mad. Despite the Pommy blood line he’s definitely from #Straya because he’s obsessed with crocs (dreams about them at least 3 times a week), has a whole cupboard dedicated to flannelette shirts, and reckons John Farnham should be PM.
He’s pretty hipster (soz bud) but he gives a sh*t about people and has spent a good portion of his life volunteering. He’s helped up-skill refugees, new immigrants and rehabbers, helped out in Africa, and lived/worked in an Aboriginal community for 6 months. He’s been pretty close to death more than once, including being attacked by a croc up North, falling off a cliff in Sri Lanka and getting stabbed in Mexico.
He also survived being trampled to death by elephants thanks to some quick moving Masai Warriors who were smashing tinnies with him for his b’day in their camp. He’s done a tonne of legendary things; started a few bands, got drunk and vandalised his own construction site which he had to clean up the next day, accidentally egged his Mum and sisters with his mates, while they were out on an evening stroll, and once threw his back out making a banana smoothie leaving him bed ridden.
Dan’s one of the nicest and funniest guys The Sprink has met, but his mining mates back in WA reckon he has turned into a Melbourne wanker. A fact he later realised was maybe true when standing on a tram, sipping a latte, wearing a scarf, and dressed all in black on the way to a pop-up event. But he doesn’t give af ‘cos he loves living in #Melbourne with his two chickens Sharon and Shirley. So yeah, Dan is grouse and if you ever see him in the street just call him Kyle, and he’ll show ya the tatt on his shoulder of the croc that nearly ate him that one time.
18 – 20 Nov
Fiesta: Latin Street Festival @ Johnson Street (19-20 Nov) – is it time for the Johnson Street Festival already? Time to dust off the stories of that one summer I spent in *Spanish speaking country* and order una cerveza por favore.
Cameo Outdoor Cinema @ Dandenong Ranges (from 18 Nov) – could also be called; Guest Appearance Outside Movies
Phillipines Street Festival @ Lygon St (19 – 20 Nov) – lucky I have been to the Phillies so I know what to expect: karaoke, lots of chickens, a witch doctor, a man sweeping a beach with a broom, karaoke, motorbike rides, snorkelling, karaoke, cocktails in the ocean, and falling in love with a ginger Swede named Pierre. CHECK. I will definitely be going to this.
Mountaingrass Bluegrass Festival @ Harrietville (18-20 Nov) – grass
EQUITANA Asia Pacific @ Melbourne Show Grounds (17-20 Nov) – where the leftover grass is put to good use
International Festival of Hockey @ Melb and Bendigo (23 – 30 Nov) – whack run whack ow my shins smack ouch trophy weeeee.
Massive Murray Paddle @ Murray River-Yarrawonga to Swan Hill (21-25 Nov) – sponsored by Paddle Pops YUUUUM
The Australian International Tattoo Expo @ MCEC (18-20 Nov) – get ink did
Reefer Madness: The Musical @ Chapel Off Chapel (24 Nov – 4 Dec) – the guys from the band Reef stare at you creepily as they holla their one hit wonder over and over which is ok by me as it was one of my favourite songs of the time. And a cool clip for the 90’s, no? Getting Cillian Murphy vibes from the lead man. Very glad long hair is back for boys. Ahh, literally nothing beats 90’s pop-rock. NOTHING.
Juniperlooza @ Federation Wharf (19-20 Nov) – I went to school with a girl named Emma Juniper. She had many freckles and an angry cat.
The Big Chicken Festival @ Preston Food Truck Park (18 – 20 Nov) – all the whimpiest kids play the world’s most boring game of truth or dare. Ever.
El Kid: An Operatic Retelling of the Three Billy Goats Gruff @ Arts Centre (23 – 24 Nov) – gruff is just such a cute word. I want to spoon it.
La Dolce Vita @ King Valley (19 – 20 Nov) – it’s French, I guess. Or a new flavour Lindt.
The Ring Cycle @ Arts Centre (21 Nov – 16 Dec) – a hamster runs around a spinning ring that will rule them all, shouting obscenities in German. You can understand why it sold out.
Phillip Island Jazz Festival @ Ramada Resort (18-20 Nov) – imagine the penguins with a pair of Raybans on. Ca-uuuuute.
Melbourne Moonshine Tasting @ No Vacancy Gallery (18 Nov onwards) – but don’t squeal like a pig if you can help it. Bring a uke though.
Corner 20th Bday @ Corner (20 Nov) – literally turning a corner.
Paris to Provence @ Melb (18 -20 Nov) – simply a group of mime artists standing behind Gabriel Gate making silent faces.
Beach Clean Up @ Mornington (19 Nov) – ah yeah so sweeping the beach with a broom isn’t just a thing they do in the Phillipines.
Eat / Drink by The Sprink
Underground Cinema @ Shhhh – so my hippy friend Alex and I went to the very secret and uber kewl #UGC on the Weekend At Bernie’s. Alex has this habit of requiring every single bit of information about a plan before he considers The Commitments which made this almost Mission Impossible. Alex is the kewlest (and hottest ps) and having returned from a full year of Eat, Pray, Love and not showering in South America, he surrendered himself Across The Universe and let me get him a ticket. And Drive him there. But I’m being 2 Fast 2 Furious so imma slow it down and explain. Here’s the UGC deal: go to their website, register, forget you registered, be surprised when bing You’ve Got Mail telling you buy-the-tix, then go to website to buy-the-tix before they sell out (and they will sell out – be quick or be Les Miserables). BUT the movie is still a The Secret so all you get is a dress code and a few more Clues when you $. Then you forget again, until two days before the Day After Tomorrow when they contact you via The Social Network and tell you where to go to Tomorrow Night. I’ve been to ones in Airport hangers, Girl on the Train stations, down The Road and literally all over the Dark City. Right, so you arrive and Surprise. You’re in the movie. These UGC gurus go hard with the design experience and you’ll head through multiple sets from the flick and get involved with actors and other attendees who are dressed in theme and playing make-believe like Heroes. Apocalypto and war-themed ones are the scariest because it’s like you’re literally running 28 Days through Gallipoli feeling like a useless The Waterboy while dodging The Walking Dead and/or Universal Soldiers. There’s always food and drink options, so literally eat all the American Pie, Chocolat, Salt, or even drink some Milk while you’re chatting to peeps trying piece it Together. Keep a Look Out for hints of what it could be – from the music chosen to The Notebooks on the shelf to the hidden QR codes – and always think twice about the cray stuff happening around you cos there is a Point Break to it all. Actors will pull you into scenarios and even for the shy introverts amongst you, they are kewl and easy to be part of cos everyone is getting into The Spirit. Then BA DA BING, literally The Show Must Go On so you make your way into the pop-up theatre, the title comes up and you will Scream in joy because you got it right (or wrong, its just fun to Scream). Then movie finishes, everyone bounces and you drop Alex off as he tries to convince you to go to yoga for literally 127 Hours the next day. But instead you go Home Alone, make like Sleepers and nod off thinking that you really need to get some more Cats.
1 comment
You have changed Dan. Good to see you are doing well mate. Luv the chickens to.🐣🍗