This is Jess. She lives the straight up bossLYF and when she decides something, it happens. Model, motorbike rider, public speaker, whatever she feels like doing = YAS.
Give me an example of you going from zero to hero with something you’ve never done before.
I wanted to write a song and literally nek minnit I was on SBS My Pop Diary penning and releasing an album.
You are literally the kewlest person ever. What else have you done?
I have a sweet tooth, and thought it would be a fab way to make some dolla dolla billz so started up runs Chocoholic Tours through the streets of Melbourne so I can eat what I love and get paid for it.
So you just say ‘Imma do dis’ and you do?
Yes. It’s all about confidence. I have assumed my way into many places and events – from penthouse suites, to birdcages at the Melbourne Cup, to trips around Europe on multi-million dollar yachts. In 2009 I bought a fancy dress, hired a limo with three friends and we just walked the red carpet at the Logies completely uninvited, posing for the paps. I somehow ended up sitting on the Neighbours table and snapped a pic with the Golden Logie at the after party, which I was also not invited to.
You are LITERALLY a BOSS
I even told cancer to Fck off. I was diagnosed with it recently and given an urgent hysterectomy. How is that? Being 27 years old, womb-less and going through menopause. But I kicked the big C right in the diddle. Because a boss gets things DID. Later cancer you loser.
This weekend in Melbourne
29th Sept – 2 Oct
Grand Final Week @ MCG (25 Sept – 1 Oct) – includes a football parade of 20yr olds, and streets lined with people older than them waving madly. I emphasise ‘mad’.
The Magic Workshop @ Arts Centre (28 & 29 Sept) – finally an excuse to use those playing cards you bought at Melbourne Zoo in 1991.
Play for Australia @ Arts Centre (29 Sep – 2 Oct) – have fun. Do it for your country.
An Exploration of Alternative Food @ Grub Fan (3 Oct) – another way of telling my flatmate that I will be cooking dinner tonight.
Turn Melbourne Orange @ errywhere (4 Oct) – Melbourne and a regional NSW town combine for the sake of the orangutan for one day only.
Chopped @ Newstead (30 Sept – 2 Oct) – get chopped, eat chops, grow chops and talk about uncle ChopChop at this hot chop convention
Blessing of the Bikes @ Daylesford (30 Sept) – have your motorcycle blessed by some Baptists priests. BIKES ONLY. Unless you bring along some kids to make it as good as this.
Salon Des Refuses @ Mornington Pen Regional Gallery (meow – 20 Nov) – a collection of ‘the ones that got away’ from this year’s Archibald. Featuring portraits of myself.
Sudden Shower @ Kimono House (17 Sept – 15 Oct) – so pretty much all of summer, autumn, winter and spring in Melbs yeah?
The Montalto saga continues…
The woman heard footsteps from the dark end of the alley. She froze – one hand on the car keys, the other slid to rest on her beating heart. A silhouette. Tall, slim but muscular, a well tailored suit, whispers of stubble delicately defining a square jawline, blue eyes piercing from their dark sockets. Her back arched a little. She boldly looked him up and down and then held his wild gaze as she watched him drown her with intense urgency. He stood two feet before her. She breathed him in, and her body relaxed. A Mona Lisa smile crept upon her face as they stood staring at each other. ‘Madame you are indeed a sight for sore eyes’. His accent was expressive of private tutors, polo clubs, high teas and.. yes there was a hint of exotic European travels about him. ‘Hmm, this is my kind of fella’ she thought to herself. She made doe eyes and battered her false eyelashes. ‘Well sir you flatter me. A handsome stranger coming out of the mist, am I in a dream?’. Their chemistry was palpable but cut short by a shout from behind him. The handsome stranger quickly took a step closer, wrapping his arm around her lower back and pulling her into his chest. Surprised but pleased by his boldness Esme held his eye contact as he drew her close and whispered in her ear. ‘Dear lady I have a confession. There is a gun in my pocket AND I am extremely happy to to see you. Would you mind ever so much if we jumped in your automobile? I have a dangerous man on my heels, and a ride out of here would be most fortuitous. And enjoyable I assure you. What do you say?’ She remained expressionless, her eyes locked on his. The footsteps were getting louder. ‘Best be quick about it honey, that trouble sounds mighty close’. Montalto smiled, pulled her towards him and kissed her smartly on the mouth as he took the keys from her hand. She slid into the passenger side. He adjusted the review mirror as he turned the ignition, just in time to see Eduardo stumbling toward them. The car started, the wheels screeched. The night had only just begun.
Eat / Drink by The Sprink
I Heart Pho @ Richmond – It was raining. I was in bed and it was 1807 on a Monday night. Jezz walked into the house and slumped on the floor ‘I feel siiiick boo I don’t wanna eat I just want to sleep and be handsome’. I shook my head ‘No Jezz. I am sick and beautiful too, but we need food or we will die. I am thinking we should go something light, fresh, tasty and close to home’. A 4 second google search later, quick tap on the iPhone and DINNER WAS BORN. Two tubs of rice noodles with tofu, carrots, broccoli and those stiff white things that look like worms but are crunchy. The taste was sweet, chickeny (because I can’t do veggie stock I just can’t) and perfect for two sick singles who then sat around for the rest of the night doing photo shoots with 100’s & 1000’s in the bath.