Maddawgs of Melbourne
This is Mim. She is 92 and more boss than you. She has been around the world 5 times, went to a garden-party once with the Queen and married her first love. She didn’t want to be a mum but her form of birth control was jumping off the garden shed roof and drinking gin in hot baths so she had four kids who all went to uni (she is very proud of this). When the family all moved to Newcastle, her 12 year old son got bullied at school so Mim gave him a packet of cigarettes and told him to smoke them to look cool and it worked. Also, the first time she went into a Macca’s drive-through she ordered the whole meal to a rubbish bin thinking it was a speaker box. Mim loves leopard skin, giving fashion advice, and this red rabbit that she bought last week for $35.
2 – 4 September
It’s September. You have better not have done your Christmas shopping already or we cannot be author/reader friends.
Melbourne Spring Fashion Week @ Melb (26 Aug – 2 Sept) – everyone take note, I will only say this once. If Kween Meryl doesn’t like your collection, then consider your career – like my love life – dead.
Melbourne Writers Festival @ multiple venues (26 Aug – 4 Sept) – the reason for the lack of mole-skin notebooks available in Melbourne ATM.
Lorne Festival of Performing Arts @ Lorne (2 – 4 Sept) – nah, but all jokes aside when does Lorne not a have festival.
The William & Winifred Bowness Photography Prize @ Monash Gallery of Art (1 Sept-16 Oct) – get your LuMee ready for a night of selfies. Call it art darling, art.
The JLF Trek @ Goldfields Track (2nd Sept only) – JLF not KLF. It’s not eternally 3am.
Thriftin on Clifton @ Prahran – no liftin in Clifton, just thriftin and siftin.
MSFW Ballarat Regional Extension – the Ballarat Fashion Series @ Ballarat (2-4 Sept) – if the dresses aren’t made of gold and those red Sovereign Hill lollies, can you be sure you are even in Ballarat?
Cheese and Wine Food Truck Festival @ Preston (2 – 4 Sept) – not ideal for pregnancy.
The Winemakers Lunch @ Cumulus (4 Sept) – there will be no cutlery at this event. Just vessels.
Nagambie Lakes Opera Festival @ Nagambie (3-4 Sept) – opera by the lake. The perfect setting for a murder.
Australian National Piano Award @ Shepparton (5-10 Sept) – 13 pianists compete for national recognition by performing chopsticks with their feet.
Eat / Drink by The Sprink
The Rose @ 406 Napier St, Fitzroy – meets friends for a beer, pretends to watch the football. Has more beer, totally zones out to the football, starts to look around the pub. No dickheads around, nice little central island bar with kewl staff and friendly vibe. Decides to switch to wine, heads to bar, sees a guy crying, goes to hug saddyface. Ok phew guy wasn’t crying, was on phone. Chats to guy for awhile, is definitely not a dickhead, this place is good for non-dickheads. Returns to friends, burger, water, chips, salt salt salt salt, water OMG WATER, plays someone’s Tinder, gives good profile advice, starts to write everyone’s Tinder profiles, checks own phone, invite to a mermaid themed warehouse party. Taxis home to get Aerial costume, falls asleep on bed.