This Weekend in Melbourne (18-20 March)

Posted: March 16, 2016 by The Sprink

This Weekend in Melbourne

The Greatest Show on Earth

Melbourne International Flower and Garden Show @ Royal Exhibition Building – after a last minute flower change, my hanging basket looks absolutely exquisite: a maiden hair fern surrounded by river stones with a little bucket shoved in the side for good measure. VOTE FOR ME I WILL SRSLY BUY YOU A my little PONY. 16 – 20 Mar


Formula 1 Australian Grand Prix @ Albert Park – it sounds like medicine for a baby, but it is actually a car race for big people to clap, cry and scream about. 17-20 Mar


Jurassic World @ Melb Museum – bring every glass of water you can find. And don’t move. 19 Mar–9Oct

Jurassic Creatures @ Harbour Town – how do you ask a dinosaur to dinner? Tea, Rex? 12 Mar – 17 Apr

Coffee and Cake

Melbourne International Coffee Expo @ Melb Showgrounds – coffee snobs from around the globe unite to pretend they don’t just need to drink it to get through the day like the rest of us. 17-19 Mar

Melbourne Coffee Week – the week that sees Sudoku, crosswords and conversations accomplished in record time. 10-19 Mar

Melbourne Cake Expo @ Melb Showgrounds – nicely paired with the Coffee Expo and a topped up Myki, this pretty much makes for the ultimate Melbun experience. 19-20 Mar

Cool stuff

Wall To Wall Festival @ Benalla – with a line up of 50% female artists, this regional street-art festival is politically and artistically great. 18-20 Mar

Lorne Sculpture Biennale @ Lorne – I went to this last week and saw a Stonehenge made of fridges. This art thing is cool. 12 Mar – 3 Apr

Matilda The Musical @ Princess – Miss Honey sings and it sounds like.. ah that the thing that bees make with the flowers. What’s it called again? Oh sticky pollen juice. Sounds like that. 13 March onwards


Lara Food and Wine Festival – Lara is definitely still having this Festival over at her joint. Take a chocolate ripple cake or bring a box of After Dinner Mints. 20 Mar

Peninsula Picnic @ Mornington Peninsula – Ralph Lauren has sold of out all polo shirts in both sexes in all sizes. 20Mar

High Country Hops @ Beechworth – where hopscotch is popular. 19 Mar

Tarrawarra Festival @ Tarrawarra – I like going here for wine that is crisp.  I like to pronounce Tarrawarra with a lisp. 19-20 Mar

Brunswick Music Festival – fiddle dee dee there is music in the streets. Let me throw off my office suit, whittle myself a pipe, pack it with the innocence of youth and blaze this street party like Monday doesn’t exist. 15-17 Mar

Bendigo Craft Beer and Cider Festival @ Bendigo – would have been good for them to put in a comma: craft, beer and cider would be a very interesting combo. 19 Mar

Victoria’s Multicultural Festival @ Fed Sq – mixing that melting pot. 20 March

Next Weekend in Melbourne

Rip Curl Pro @ Bells Beach – the site of the 50 year storm that took the life of Bodhi, and the last place Utah called himself a cop. He’s not coming back. 25 Mar – 5 Apr

Whistler’s Mother @ NVG –  hoping they will also be displaying Mr Bean’s version. 26 Mar – 19 Jun

Melbourne International Comedy Festival @ all of the Melbourne – Note to ticket holders: I am free every night of MICF so if you have a seat that needs filling, my butt is ready to fill it sound like a creep rewrite this before sending out. 23 Mar – 17 April

Superhero Training Academy @ Northcote Town Hall – a theatrical workshop for kids. To any grown ups who got excited by this – you may need to have a big long look at yourself. Maybe your ex was right. 31 Mar – 1 Apr

Melbourne Queer Film Festival @ ACMI – with the make-up on fleek and tonnes of glitter, this is going to be better than the straight film festival. 31 Mar – 11 Apr

The Godfather in Concert @ Hamer Hall – I actually haven’t seen this movie, I just know the guy talks funny and I wish the MSO luck doing his accent. 31 Mar – 1 Apr

Bendigo Easter Festival@ Bendigo – 86,000 Easter eggs hidden in straw for 3,000 children to find. If you don’t want kids but your partner does, I suggest attending this. 26-27 Mar

Beechworth Golden Horseshoes Festival @ Beechworth – tap your golden horseshoes together three times and repeat ‘there’s no place like Beechworth’. 25-28 Mar

Man From Snowy River Bush Festival @ Corryong – proving that country life is far cooler than A Country Practise made out, this festival has music, poetry and a competition where team members race to roll up their swag the fastest, cook and eat an egg, and pick up hay bales whilst driving an obstacle course on a motorbike. 31 Mar – 3 Apr

Jailhouse Rock Festival @ Ararat –  get out the hair gel, get an ink sleeve, take up smoking, and celebrate rock and/or roll with other 1950-60’s lovers. 17 Mar

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