This Weekend in Melbourne
Jurassic World @ Melb Museum (19 Mar – 9 Oct) – what comes after dinosaurs? Their tails. Here all night. 19 Mar–9 Oct
Rip Curl Pro @ Bells Beach (25 Mar – 5 Apr) – Bells by the beach, ripped and curled by the pros.
Melbourne International Comedy Festival @ Melbourne (23 Mar – 17 Apr) – for the love of Oprah you must attend at least 54 shows. Best time of the year.
Matilda The Musical @ Princess (13 March onwards) – Trunchbull is still swinging kids around by their pigtails and we are still paying to see it. Not illegal if it has a musical score.
ART-Town 2016 @ Chapel Street (2 -3 April) – the best reason to do Chap-laps if you are over 21.
Adventure Kids Festival @ Falls Creek (2-3 April) – a festival for adventurous kids who fall into the creek.
Cirque Adrenaline @ Arts Centre (1-10 Apr) – hard-core somersaults for your viewing pleasure.
Horsham Country Music Festival @ Horsham (31 Mar – 3 Apr) – BYO musical horse.
Man From Snowy River Bush Festival @ the bush (31 Mar – 3 April) – BYO man.
Songcontest: The Musical @ St Kilda (1 Apr – 1 May) – Eurovision came early. In St Kilda.
Autumn Night Market @ Fed Sq (3 Apr) – a market dedicated to designers who only showcase their work in autumn.
The Godfather in Concert @ Hamer Hall (31 Mar – 1 Apr) – the MSO play instruments with a heavy just-been-to-the-dentist accent.
Tesselaar Gardening and Plants Expo @ Dandenong Ranges (2-3 Apr) – sometimes spaces are necessary in website addresses.
Mr G Summer Heights High Singalong @ Comedy Theatre (2 April) – its gonna be bummer heights high if you miss this. #Celine4PM.
Healesville Picnic Races @ Healesville (2 Apr) – race down ladies and gentlemen, for the Kubota Golden Thong meet is on. Sisqo not attending.
Southern Gippsland Sustainability Festival @ Korumburra (3 April ) – be plastic free, love food, hate waste, make art and care. CARE I SAID.
Batman Night Market @ Coburg (2 Apr) – you wanna know how the Joker got those scars? By not going to this market. That is how.
Berwick Food Truck Carnival @ Akoonah Park (30 Mar – 3 Apr) – people in vans dishing out delicious treats to the masses. Take food from a stranger.
Recycle Boutique Scatter Sale @ Brunners (2 Apr) – everything is literally $5. I’ll kick you in the knees if you get in my way of a good bargain. C U there.
Much Ado About Nothing: the Musical @ Williamstown (31 Mar – 3 Apr) – Shakespeare was practically the Andrew Lloyd Webber of his day.
Counter-histories, Defacement & Spaghetti @ A Centre For Everything (3 Apr) – debate contested histories, learn graffiti tricks and chow carbonara. This is like three evenings in one.
Melbourne Queer Film Festival @ ACMI (31 Mar – 11 Apr) – fabulous films about fabulous people with fabulous hair, make up, style and dance moves. Not a stereotype, a fact
Next Weekend in Melbourne
Yarra Valley Beer and Cider Festival @ Lilydale Show Grounds (9 Apr) – all ye brewery connoisseurs roll up for the finest beer and cider that Victoria has to offer. Cheers to beers, spider to cider.. What?
Lake Bolac Eel Festival @ Lake Bolac (8 – 10 Apr) – I would like to note that this festival has nothing to do with eels (or elf folk if you read it the way I did), it is all about music, arts, environment and indigenous culture. No unagi, and no Legolas, alas.
Kilmore Art Expo (8 – 10 Apr) – kill more art. An exhibition. And there is a raffle.
Ice Age Live! A Mammoth Adventure @ Hisense Arena (8 – 10 Apr) – I would go just to see a Mammoth ice skate.